by Annie Harmony
He begun to suck my breast, my body reflexively jerk, being
caught off guard . He had been sick, last night; was knocked out
after soup, crackers and nyquil. I was surprised that he was
feeling so much better this morning but i never imagined there
would be morning wood.
I hesitated; thinking you just started getting better and I don’t
want you to get worked up, i told him; but he wanted to get
worked up, there is never a reason for not having morning wood;
we both had an understanding. My body had made its decision, I
was wet. He started to kiss me slowly my kneck, by back my….
and before i realized my body had surrendered entirely but my
mind had not.
For me the conflict was normal between my mind and my body
one saying no the other saying yes and sometimes I am able to
get them both on the same page. Flash back “a week ago” i was
telling him that i don’t feel his surrender when we, have sex, make
love... etc to which he responded I guess i am not all emotionally
checked in that is more of a woman issue.
While sex is the act of two people, some times within that finds
one person connected, aware, plugged in fully emotionally. My
highly developed predictive brain went ahead of my pussy. It
calculated the time that was available before he had t go to work,
factored in the formulaic possibility of orgasm and made the
decision that there was not enough time or enough emotional
connectivity that would yield an orgasim. so while my pussy
stayed wet, and my boyfriend was on top trying to hold back from
cuming my mind decided it was not going to.
In that instant i thought to myself Why am i not cuming? and the
answer was a clear answer in a whisper from the loins of my
universe. “ you don’t trust him to take care of your needs” At that
exact moment as if privied to the conversation I was having in my
head my boyfriend stops and ask “ whats wrong?, are you ok?
whats wrong?”. I couldn’t find the words there were no words, he
was connected to me….he knew in that moment that my mind was
not with my pussy and so he simply slow down auditory stimulated
me and tried to use his body to tell my mind that he was here,
present and willing.
Afterwards i realized that there had been times with other people
and maybe even sometimes him that I was there but they did not
wait for me they came before I did and i was left on a horney
everest trying to figure a way down without self pleasure or death
from a interlude of someone trying to get rehard. My brain being
as smart as it is redefined my pussy coming to a "permission
basis system" in which it allows or disallows orgasim depending
on whether or not it calculated that i knew that i was going to
cum; which is a catch 22 because it doesn’t let me based on its
When I asked why can’t I come and i got the answer, i realized
that there needed to be a paradigm shift in the way my mind
controls sex and the ideal outcome. I have to trust that he will
take care of my needs regardless that way my brain does not
need the power to calculate or project whether or not it will allow
me to explode.