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by Janai Willis
I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. I’ve told a lie
that has changed the course of time. I didn’t
mean to say it – I thought the timing was right,
it felt right. This changes everything.
I can feel it
I see it in how you look at me, nothing is the same.
I wish I could take it back (I think)
i wish i could take it back – we’ve gotten to
deep for something temporary.
What do I do now?
“I don’t do relationships” do you remember
when I said this? Please don’t act confused –
it was the night we fucked like five times and
I made you taste the rainbow or was it heaven?
I could tell by the 2nd time –
This was no longer just a fuck for you.
It was the way you looked at me, like
I carried the sun and hung the moon.
I had no idea I was that good
By the 4th time, you were whispering honeyed words
in my ear –
“you’re going to be the death of me” you said
with such conviction, I could hear the resignation
in your voice – you’ve accepted heartbreak.
You forfeited your queen and –
Your king committed suicide.
Sealed in the sweat of our bodies and the cries
of our pleasure – you sold me your soul in exchange
for ecstasy. The 5th time –
The 5th time was for me.
I could tell the script was flipped, I held
your heart in the palm of my hands and your
brain in between my legs
logic has left the building.
You worshipped my body with kisses – every
freckle, mole, scar, and tattoo. I should’ve stopped you.
I should’ve told you the ending wasn’t good,
I should’ve told you I can’t be “the one” but I –
didn’t – because I want to be (I think) –
God –
I hope this doesn’t lead to our demise
I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. I’ve told a lie
that has changed the course of time
Janai Willis is a new poet, originally from Miami but has studied in Nigeria and the UK, her voice carries the sentiments of pain told through colorful lenses. Adopting the form of confessional poetry, her poems reflect who she is, and how she and others view herself. A true romantic, when she’s not falling in and out love, Janai is spending time with her friends and family, you can always find her around her sweet French bulldog, Dior. ‘Your “I Love You” is made in China’ is from Janai’s collection of poetry, Tears That Never Fell.