January 2023

 by Janai Willis

I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. I’ve told a lie

that has changed the course of time. I didn’t

mean to say it – I thought the timing was right,

      it felt right.  This changes everything.

            I can feel it

I see it in how you look at me, nothing is the same.

I wish I could take it back (I think)

            i wish i could take it back – we’ve gotten to

deep for something temporary.

                                    What do I do now?

“I don’t do relationships” do you remember

when I said this? Please don’t act confused –

it was the night we fucked like five times and

I made you taste the rainbow or was it heaven?

I could tell by the 2nd time –

                        This was no longer just a fuck for you.

It was the way you looked at me, like

I carried the sun and hung the moon.

                        I had no idea I was that good

By the 4th time, you were whispering honeyed words

in my ear –

            “you’re going to be the death of me” you said

with such conviction, I could hear the resignation

in your voice – you’ve accepted heartbreak.

You forfeited your queen and –

            Your king committed suicide.

Sealed in the sweat of our bodies and the cries

of our pleasure – you sold me your soul in exchange

            for ecstasy. The 5th time –

                                    The 5th time was for me.

I could tell the script was flipped, I held

your heart in the palm of my hands and your

            brain in between my legs

                                    logic has left the building.

You worshipped my body with kisses – every

freckle, mole, scar, and tattoo. I should’ve stopped you.

I should’ve told you the ending wasn’t good,

I should’ve told you I can’t be “the one” but I –

didn’t – because I want to be (I think) –

God –

             I hope this doesn’t lead to our demise

I’m afraid I’ve made a mistake. I’ve told a lie

that has changed the course of time